


scrapped idea for the second story in the "only love" series

by beware_of_you



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/F, but i decided to post it on its own anyway??, it didn't make it into the actual series, it just didn't fit as well, this is a scraped idea for the second part of the only love series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:14:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25872682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beware_of_you/pseuds/beware_of_you
Summary: so idk how many of you guys originally read this when i first posted it (mostly because I only left it up for like two hours or so before i decided that i didn't like it as part of the series. it seemed just too disconnected and maybe a bit forced?? but i'm reposting it as its own little thing because idk people might be interested in the direction this could have taken. enjoy :)
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 1
Kudos: 39





	scrapped idea for the second story in the "only love" series

_It's a girl's night tonight._

_The digital numbers on the microwave on the opposite side of Emily's apartment read 3:35. Penelope is passed out on the couch, completely oblivious to the world in a drunken stupor. Emily doesn't mind— everyone's far to drunk to get home. She throws a blanket carefully over the technical analyst, put a throw pillow behind her head, slips off her shoes and places a bottle of water and two Advil on the table in front of her for easy access in the morning._

_"You're totally the mom friend," JJ teases her when the brunette finds her way into the bedroom, giggling as if it's the funniest thing in the world._

_"Well someone has to be, especially since you and Penelope can't hold your liquor," Emily jabs back with a smile._

_"Shh," JJ says dramatically, placing her finger over Emily's lips. "I'm perfectly capable of holding down my liquor, thank you very much. But unlike you, I'm a completely irresponsible drunk."_

_Emily just beams in response, throwing on an old, long t-shirt before climbing into bed with the blonde. " 'm sorry I don't have another couch you can crash on," she mumbles apologetically, resting on her side and propping her head up on her palm._

_"S'okay," JJ smiles. "It's not like we haven't shared a bed before on a case. 'Sides, it's very comfy." She snuggles in the sheets with a comfortable sigh, cocooning herself in the sheets and facing Emily._

_It's quiet for a long time after that, the two laying on their sides staring at each other._

_Emily's eyes are really pretty this close, JJ decides silently in awe. They're like a sunny day, bright and warm, makes her chest feel all bubbly and content looking into them. Her face is really pretty, too. Her eyelashes are long, her lips are perfect and look so soft, nose sharp and angular like her strong jawline._

_Most people only know Emily as a hardass, too serious and really guarded when it's far from the truth. She knows Emily as a chill, really laid back woman who's an absolute nerd 90% of the time. She's guarded, yes, but around JJ, she's vulnerable. She lets down those walls she tends to put up around everyone else, let's JJ see her for who she really is._

_Everything about Emily is pretty, JJ concludes silently. Everything._

_Her stomach flips, her cheeks darken at that thought. She bites her lip softly to keep it to herself._

_"I want to be cremated when I die," Emily suddenly whispers._

_JJ jumps at this, surprised at the words, at the dark nature of this sudden conversation Emily had sprung up._

_Emily's lips turn up slightly, wryly. "Sorry. I get emo when I'm drunk," she murmured._

_JJ reaches out, tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Where did that come from?" she wonders curiously. A sudden thought makes her blood run cold, tears spring to her eyes. "Are you going to die?"_

_"We all do, eventually," Emily reminds her evenly._

_"You think you will soon?"_

_Emily's eyes glazes over and dropped from JJ's face. She picks at her cuticles, stared at them instead of up at her._

_JJ's stomach twists into knots, her throat constricted thickly with emotion. "Talk to me," she begs softly, reaching out and clasping Emily's hands in her own. "Don't shut me out. What's wrong?"_

_Emily bites down on her lip, pauses for a long, long time. When she finally speaks, her voice was uncharacteristically soft, almost frightened. "I've always been aware of my own mortality. You have to in this line of work. There might be a case we have one day and I don't make it back. It happens all the time."_

_"It won't happen to you," JJ says firmly, stubbornly. She squeezed her hands reassuringly, as if to ease the older woman's fears. "You can't let it."_

_"You know I can't promise that," Emily says uneasily. "That's not how it works."_

_"Well, promise to try and not die," JJ insists, stubbornly wiping her face of tears. "I don't want you to die. I need you," she adds, far past the point of caring is she had sounded childish. The very thought of living in a world without Emily is almost unbearable._

_Emily brushes her tears away with her thumb. "I try for you," she whispers as a reassurance. "Every time I go out into the field, I try and I make it back for you."_

_Their faces were so fucking close together, their emotions running high. JJ could feel her heart racing inside her chest, still smell the alcohol and mint from her toothpaste on Emily's breath even when she pulls her face away suddenly._   
  
_"Why cremated?" she murmurs dejectedly, cheeks red with shame._

_Emily rests a palm on her cheek, brushed away the remaining tears from her face. "I don't want to spend any of my afterlife as a corpse in a box underground with nothing more than a gravestone for people to remember me by. It seems more sad. I don't want people to remember me that way," she said with a frown._

_JJ's eyes were wide and innocent as she listened to Emily speak._

_"I guess it also has to do with being trapped, even in death. I never want that, either. I want to be cremated because the idea is more freeing. People can spread my ashes around the world, turn the ashes into jewelry, apparently you can even turn the ashes into soil that will grow into a tree."_

_JJ nods in understanding. She tries to imagine if it would have been easier to grieve over Ros if she had been cremated instead of buried. She thinks it would have been painful either way. She quickly shakes the thought from her head and focuses on Emily before she becomes too sad._

_"I just want to be more than another body wasting away underground. I want my death to be something more than that," Emily concludes quietly before they finally succumbed to their drunken exhaustion. She looks up at the ceiling, hands clasped together tightly on her chest. Almost hesitantly, she adds, "If anything ever happens to me in the field, make sure I'm cremated."_

_JJ stares at her, still in the same position on the bed. The look in Emily's eyes is hollow, as if there's more she wanted to say but holds back. JJ doesn't pry, but swears to herself that she would one day find out what it was that had Emily so frightened, what dark secrets were plaguing her mind that night._

_Instead, she rests her forehead against Emily's shoulder, giving her bicep a reassuring squeeze. Silently reminding Emily that she was there, that she cared._

_"I promise."_


End file.
